The curious incident of the salami and the wardrobe

Martin's dad Brian makes him sandwiches each morning to take to college for lunch. There are three types of sandwich to add variety, one of which is salami. This routine has gone on for many months.

Brian has, in the recent weeks, changed the salami. The new salami is more 'fatty' and Martin doesn't like it so much. Rather than informing dad of this he chooses to dispose of the salami sandwiches in his wardrobe. Communicating with dad isn't easy - he shouts and moans a lot.

Julie, who cleans for Brian and family, doesn't clean Martin's room because it's normally such a mess. Therefore the salami isn't discovered as soon as Health and Safety might prefer. A smell develops.

When the salami is eventually discovered altercation and bickering engulf the bazaar of the bizarre.

The episode raises questions:

Was Martin dropped on his head as a child?

Has Brian no culinary imagination?

Does Martin know where the fridge is?

Might Brain prefer an extra 10 minutes in bed in the morning?

Real names changed to... you know the drill.

Mobile phone EU roaming price con

If you got excited recently about the EU enforced drop in prices for roaming phone call, text and data prices then calm down, it's not what it seems.

Thinking that I was only going to be charged the new capped prices of €1 per Mb I decided to use my iPhone for 3G data whilst in France. When the bill arrived I had been charged £2.50 per Mb.

A call to O2 was, as usual with any operator, a quite un-fulfilling experience with the individual on the other end indicating that data hadn't dropped in price - but she didn't know why.

After some Googling it turns out the €1 cap is a limit on what the mobile network operators can charge each other - they can of course continue to charge their customers what the hell they like.

Shame Ofcom don't insist the operator make this a bit more clear.

Seems the BBC also mis-understood the changes - as they state in this article "The cost of transferring a megabyte of data is capped at one euro".

Jeez!

Twitter, iPhone 3GS

Twitter - not really sure I get it. Signed up made a few posts, joined a twibe, and came to the conclusion it seems to have become another form of instant messaging. Or perhaps I don't feel the need to tell everyone when I stand, sit, walk, fart.

New iPhone 3GS looks awesome, so plan to upgrade on release on 19th June. I have the original 2G so am out of contract - making the upgrade easy.

Many are moaning it's really expensive because they have to get out of their current contract. Maybe they need to understand better what ‘contract’ actually means. Or are the moaners just a bunch of me, me, me, want it now for nothing kids that society seems to produce these days.

Discuss...

Julie Moult is an idiot

Well she is...

Orange Support Solution

Well, I solved my Orange problem.

Got an iPhone which involved switching to O2. So far so good, O2 support is much better than Orange and I'm getting better data throughput on the O2 EDGE (2.5G) network than I even got on Orange's so called 3G network.

Plus the iPhone is an awesome piece of kit.

Interestingly once I told Orange I was leaving I got a couple of calls from their sales people trying to encourage me to stay. A fairly frank conversation with one woman revealed that she had over £400 to spend on getting me to stay - in the shape of discount, hardware upgrades etc. Pity they don't spend the money on more support staff and fixing the frigging masts. Oh yes, I forgot to mention, reception is also better on o2.

Orange Support is Shit

Why is Orange support so totally shit?

A 59 minute wait to get through to support to find out why I'm only getting a throughput of 2-3 kilobytes per second on a 3G connections, to be then told it because "we have a mast down".

We'll they obviously don't pick them back up very quickly because the problem has persisted for days.

Wolves Premium TV follow up

After a couple of chase emails and then a phone call I got the following response. Lets hope they deliver.

I'll bet a pound to a penny that they are only refunding people's money if they complain, even though they should be able to tell from their log files which browser/operating system people are using and could batch refund all of those users.


Hi Merl

Thank you for contacting us.

Following the rapid growth of a range of video sharing websites over recent months, a significant volume of content which is provided on an exclusive basis to subscribers was being made freely available on the Internet. We have to have a solution that will satisfactorily safeguard the content for paying subscribers.

This has required us to DRM the content and due to changes made recently we are no longer able to support Apple / Mac products. Specifically Windows Media Player is longer supported on this platform and likewise IE6.0.

With regret therefore we have cancelled your subscription to Wolves World. We have now initiated a refund of £39.99 for the unused term of your subscription, the refund may take up to 7 days to complete and you should receive confirmation from our payment partner Netbanx shortly.

Best Regards,

Wolves World Customer Support

Wolves Football Club Premium TV

I've subscribed to the Wolverhampton Wanderers Football Club Premium TV service for a while and it has worked fine on the Macintosh.

On 7th October they made a charge to my credit card of £39.95 for the next years subscription, however when I log in I find they have changed how the site works and I can no longer view the videos on anything other than Windows and Internet Explorer.

With Apple's market share on the increase and Firefox browser usage also on the up and up this seems a particularly stupid move.

I've asked for a refund of my hard earned, but no reply yet. I'll let you know how it goes.

A Good Chuckle

White and Nerdy


Currently listening to: Mardy Bum by Arctic Monkeys

Apple News

A few Apple related tidbits today.

Apple store to open in Birmingham Bullring.

Apple today said it would open its second Apple Store in the UK later this month. The grand opening of its Birmingham store will coincide with the launch of Mac OS X Tiger: the Apple Store Bullring will open on April 29th at 6 pm to help celebrate the launch of its next-generation operating system. The store will be open until midnight, allowing users to get a hands-on introduction to Tiger.

Microsoft 'Made with a Mac'

Microsoft's $200 million campaign to sell its three-year old Windows XP OS would never have got off the ground without a Mac, it appears.

In an attempt to "showcase" how users can "explore, enhance and pursue their passions" with the OS, Microsoft made one of the new 'Start Something' ads available for download.

Users downloading the ad and using the Get Info command to check the EXIF information about the ad image quickly uncovered Microsoft's Achilles' heel: that information shows the image was made using Adobe CS - on a Mac.

Odds and Sods

I've just realised I haven't blogged for ages, been busy with work and being a grumpy bastard because I live in a city full of halfwit chavs and its been cold and dark. Maybe I am suffering from SAD.

It's now getting lighter in the evening and so I feel motivated to blog a little.

My attempt to increase traffic to my blog had little effect overall, although there was an initial peak I guess this was caused by the blogger ping effect as I uploaded my new story.

This morning the DEC, who I originally made my donation to the Tsunami appeal through, finally took my donation from by bank account. I sure hope someone wasn't hanging around hoping to buy some food or medicine with the money that I originally pledged a day or so after the initial earthquake.

Currently listening to: You know you were loved by Lou Reed

Sex, iPod, Software, Incredibles

My blog doesn't get that much traffic - hardly surprising I guess. Anyhow I got to wondering how might be improved with a few choice keywords.

So here we go:
michael jackson, oscar nominations, ipod shuffle, hardcore sex, cheap software, free downloads, prince harry.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Currently listening to: Double Bass by Gorillaz

Taking the piss

What's the correct toilet etiquette when taking a piss?

Heading off to the Hole in the Ground's toilet I find the floor is 1/4 inch deep in some liquid.

So do I paddle to the urinal and take a leak, or stand at the edge of the lake and piss on the floor?

Option one leaves you with stained shoes, if the liquid is indeed urine - of course if I had litmus paper about my person I could have checked the acidity of the liquid to aid my decision, or just squat down and done a taste test.

Option two was never really an option - I'm shy.

Currently listening to: My cat snoring!!

Mac mini

A friend of mine who has never owned or used a Mac to my knowledge had a new Mac mini delivered to my house as she was at work. It arrived before my order for one, so I was tempted to peek in the box - but resisted. Although I did feel the box up, so to speak - weight, size etc.

She came round to pick it up in the evening and set off for home at about 9:15pm. At around 10:10pm I got an email which read: "Well I'm up and running and its looks like its going to be an enjoyable experience".

Considering she had a 10 minute drive to get home, cats to feed - and herself probably - I think the speedy set up and sending of the first email speaks volumes for the hardware, OS X and it's ease of use.

Currently listening to: Sex-O-Matic Venus Freak by Macy Gray

Google and the future

Just a quickie today - oh eer missus!

Thought provoking stuff: EPIC

Solar Power

I read somewhere that a solar panel 70 square miles in area, built in the Sahara Dessert and using current (there's a joke there somewhere) technology, could supply all of the world's electrical power requirements - quite amazing. I appreciate that a 70 square mile solar panel is rather large but in terms of the earth's land surface area, which is 57,500,000 sq miles, it is tiny - unlike the cable coming out of the end which would have to be huge.

So with at least four power cuts locally this year, and concerns that we in the UK are going to be saddled with a brown-out ridden, unreliable electrical grid like the Yanks - thanks to under investment by the power companies and dodgy regulators. I got to wondering what the world would be like if some serious research money was put into solar panel development.

Imagine you could pick up a 6ft x 2ft 6in solar panel at B&Q as easily as a sheet of MDF and at a sensible price. If we give Apple Computers the the job of designing it then it would be plug and play, or would that be plug and power, and would just..., well..., work.

As technology advances we might end up with clothing with flexible and washable solar panels built in. Small quantities of power on the move for you phone, camera, GPS or iPod.

What about photovoltaic paint - slap it on a fence or the shed roof and light up your home - any spare juice you put into the National Grid and charge them for it. Does exactly what it says on the tin.

In the meantime, as I wait for this technology to evolve, I've put each work computers on a UPS and have a 2.5KW generator in the garden shed for emergencies.

Currently listening to: Weak by Skunk Anansie

Blatant lies

I wonder what life would be like if other professions lied as blatantly as politicians.

Just imagine!

Pilot to ATC: "This is BA544 inbound to Heathrow at flight level 320"
Co-pilot to Pilot: "But were at flight level 120!"
Pilot to Co-pilot: "Keep telling them 320, no wait, tell them 280 - but make it sound convincing"

And imagine getting home from the vets with your assuredly healthy cat, only to find it as stiff as a board in the carrying box.

So if there is anyone out there who has day to day contact with any of our politicians feel free to just randomly lie to them.

If Tony Blair pops into your newsagent for a paper and a packet of fags tell him you haven't got any papers (despite the mountain on the counter) and the fags are 14.50 euros each. When two Jags Prescott pops his motor in for a service tell him your a party hat manufacturer and you don't remember ever selling him anything.

See how they like it.

Currently listening to: The Distance by Travis

Apple is doomed!

Apple profits soar on iPod sales

Once again, Apple proves that it can't even go out of business correctly. It is obvious from this last quarter's performance that the company is in complete denial that it will soon go down the tubes. Is there anything that this company doesn't screw up?

Currently listening to: Silver Star by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons

Oh no, here come the proles. The tasteless rabble...

Oh no, here come the proles. The tasteless rabble. The masses who see nothing past the price tag. Of course you can't blame them if their trust funds aren't large enough to provide them with life's very finest—they wouldn't appreciate it anyways - but surely Apple should know better than to serve the poor peasants la crème de la vie on the discount rack at Sears.

There was a time, not long ago, when you could tell everything that mattered about a person by his or her choice of operating system. You would notice a man at the local bistro with his titanium PowerBook and a deep garnet Merlot, and you instinctively knew: here is a man with a certain flair, a je ne sais quoi that makes his company worth your while. You’d wonder if the dark-clad woman striding down the street was your type; then you’d notice tucked under her arm a Duo 2300c, so retro and so delicously delicate, and you’d be smitten, simply devastated. You’d go for coffee along Bedford and the two of you would talk about the next East Village gallery opening, or the latest collection from Philippe Starck, or how Frank Lloyd Wright had ruined American architecture.

And it wasn't just about being able to identify like-minded individuals. As a Mac user yourself, you belonged to an exclusive club of discriminating individuals and creative geniuses. Artists like Picasso. Activists like Teresa Heinz. Revolutionaries like Václav Havel. Writers like Dave Eggers. Actresses like Chloë Sevigny. I remember at a cocktail party in SoHo once—it must have been in the mid-’90s—Susan Sontag, Haruki Murakami and I spent hours debating the merits of Mac OS 8’s new “Platinum” theme. Those were fine times, indeed.

But ever since the introduction of the mass-produced iMac and iBook, it’s been getting harder to distinguish the aesthetically conscious literati from the unwashed masses. It started with the yuppies, and now it’s moving on to state-school students and former Dell buyers. On Bedford Avenue, L Café is gone, replaced by a Baby Gap. Soon it will be smelly Linux enthusiasts (ugh!) popping their pimples over translucent keyboards and lickable widgets.

We Mac users were willing to forgive Apple the iPod’s popularity, but this... if this rumor is true, then this is going too far. Mon Dieu! Apple, why do you want to sell to these poor peasants? These people don’t appreciate beauty and elegance. They don’t understand it. They probably even voted for Bush—all four times.

Mr. Jobs, please establish eligibility requirements for the purchase of a new Mac. A good start would be to disqualify anyone who listens to Ashanti or anything they play on K-Rock. You could also disqualify people who think digital watches are cool, as well as all objectivists. In America, don’t even bother selling to the lower Midwest. Don’t accept applications postmarked from trailer parks. Ban the entire Hilton family.

One way or another, something must be done to preserve the Macintosh community. Anguished but unified, we cry out with one voice. Dam the river, close the gates, pull up the portcullis, keep out the tasteless proles. Please, Mr. Jobs, don’t wait until it’s too late.

Love it! Found on SlashDot.

Valuable help

A US carrier battle group of five ships centered on the aircraft carrier Abraham Lincoln, and a Marine assault group of seven ships centered on the helicopter carrier Bonhomme Richard are heading for the Indian Ocean disaster area.

With a total of 37 helicopters between them and each ship capable of producing 90,000 gallons of fresh water each day their potential contribution to the relief effort will be invaluable.

I was surprised to discover that Indonesia is the largest Muslim country in the world with a population of 239 million four times greater than the population of the UK, and the world's fourth most populous country after China, India and the USA.

Map of Indonesia

Currently Listening to: Be True by Bruce Springsteen